It all hit me when I went to Amsterdam 4 days ago. I left the country because I needed to renew my visa due to a complicated situation with my university. It hit me when we were walking around at night and the streets were empty with a few people walking to and back to the supermarkets. It hit me when I went to Waitrose and the aisle selling toilet paper was completely empty. It hit me when my friends told me Iran was digging mass graves due to the large numbers of bodies that were expected to come due to COVID-19.
As a history student, I’ve spent a good part of my educational career reading about mass graves, people isolating themselves at home, living in fear and uncertainty and it wasn’t until now, I understood the fear they went through. But whats hit me hard isn’t that we’re going through a pandemic. What’s hit me is how some parts of the world operate. It’s hit me that we’ve very much adapted an ‘every man for themselves’ mentality. With people bulk buying sanitary products, canned goods, pasta, and etc, it’s no longer about living in a community where everyone shares but instead the mass hysteria this pandemic has created has led to people who have the funds to very selfishly hoard things they definitely do not need.
My mental health has severely deteriorated due to the shock combination of the fact the world very much feels like an apocalypse and with the realisation of how mankind can very much be their very own enemy. I am wracked with anxiety. I’m scared to go out in public due to my ethnicity and I’m scared to be isolated on my own. I’m scared to look outside to see empty roads and streets and I’m scared to see my world change and come to a halt with right in front of me. This uncertainty is making it hard for me to sleep at night. I am resentful because a big part of me blames social media for my anxiety. I can’t escape the negativity of this pandemic and in a way, our own reaction to the COVID-19 scares me more than the virus itself does. Life goes on but does it when everyone is now not leaving the house unless absolutely necessary adorned in an array of face masks, gloves and scarves? Does life really go on when normality seems like so far away? I’m not too sure.
Nicole
sadness to sunshines 