1am insomnia.

It’s almost 1pm and I tried to go to bed but this unwanted pang in my chest is making my thoughts dizzying and my eyes watering,

It’s one of those nights where I feel this sadness and I know its not the regular sadness.
I have different sadnesses. There are ones that are associated with regular human emotion that everyone goes through; the downs to the ups. However, there are also the ones associated with my depression. The ones that come without reason and without warning.

Oh god this pang in my chest is increasing and I don’t know why. I’m the type of person who has to express their feelings in order to feel better and I have no one right now. I am utterly alone. I mean its not that I don’t have anyone to talk to but I feel like a burden if I randomly go to someone like “hey my depression is acting up and I really hate myself!”. It doesn’t really work that way. It’s strange because I have been taking my meds regularly and everything is fine. I suspect the stress of school work plays a part in my sudden decline in mood.

I hate how once I’m in this mood, I end up picking flaws about myself. I end up taking out all my aggression on myself. I don’t want to do that. I am so tired. I want to sleep.

I can’t sleep with this pain in my chest.

hooray for late night thoughts, right?

Nicole x

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