Since coming back home I’ve been reflecting.
I’ve always been a pessimist but I realized I so persistently thought of my old school; King George V School as something negative that I never remembered the good times I had back there. It wasn’t all bad. Sure it trampled on my self esteem but I had friends. Albeit I don’t know why as I was such a horrible person but there were a few people there.
It makes me sad because I had good relationships with good people who I wished I had appreciated at the time. Most of my memories were of my last year which was a horrible and negative one which clouded up all the good ones. Yes there were horrible people there. But there were also great people there that if I only approached them differently I would still be in contact with.
I recently reconciled with an old friend from that school (you know who you are) and I realized just how different I’ve become. I’ve become a more positive and nicer person. I used to be a bitch. There was no other way to describe myself except bitch. I was rude, disrespectful and a rain cloud on top of everyone’s head. I used to see those people on a day to day basis and now I don’t see them at all.
I had good memories. I had friends I knew since Primary School (prep school) and I wish I talked to them because they were good people. I did have good times and I lament the way I behaved. It’s shameful and embarrassing.
If I could go back in time and redo it all over again but approaching it with the new and improved Nicole, I would. I hate coming home to Hong Kong having about 3 friends I still talk to because I had more than 3 friends back in KGV. As the years gone by, I’ve become so distant from those people that I left without so much as a thank you for even talking to someone as horrible as I was.
So here I am and I want to thank you. I want to thank those people who talked to me despite me being so rude to everyone. I want to thank those people who I could have a laugh without no matter how trivial the conversation was. I’m sorry for distancing myself during the IGCSE years and I’m sorry for not saying this earlier.
However there are people who were toxic and who probably made my mental health worse. I forgive them. I hope they’re having a good time regardless of everything and that I’m sorry. I’m sorry because one of you were my friend for 11 years and being the completely selfish ass I was, I didn’t allow them to apologize. It was always about me.
Looking back I understand why I literally have only 3 friends from KGV left and that makes me sad. I love the 3 of them but I also wish I haven’t cut these amazing people from my lives completely
I’m sorry and I’m glad I’m starting to remember the good times I did have there.
If you ever want to contact me just message me any time
Nicole xx
sadness to sunshines 